The much awaited Holy month. How long have I waited for you to come.
This time however, I was anxious about your arrival. I worried about how the hot weather would impact my fasting.
Fortunately, it is just like any other Ramadan, first two days are toughest, then it just becomes another day.
I was desperate for the peace this months usually brings to me, I was so in need to the closeness to Allah that this month brings, and as always, it did wonders. God always listens when you pray from the heart, when you mean every word, when you are sure that he will not let you down.
As always, Ramadan comes with the usual traditions and practices. For one, the sudden obsession with food, the other is the t.v dramas and the family gatherings.
I don't want to talk about anything but the t.v drama, as I found them so interesting this month. There seem to be a theme to the content of the drama.
1- Second marriages.
2- Falling in love with a disabled person.
3- Falling in love with a man and committing adultery then the man runs away to leave the girl to her fate.
4- Jin and spirits.
I am so amazed at how tolerant I was to all of those topics.
I rationalized what I couldn't in the past.
Second marriages for example. Hate the concept, always felt that it serves the man but hurst the women involved (note I said women). But now, with my aging self, a career oriented person who is all over the place, I wonder, could marrying a married man and being a second wife is the best solution. A part time commitment that will allow me to settle and have time for everything else that matters. Is that selfish of me? well if this guy wasn't going to marry me, he would marry someone else! Whatever the reason, he will. I am not saying I will deliberately go an pursue a married man, but if I God forbid fell in love with one, not knowing he was married, and then finding out, I might just settle with him. Yes, I can see the selfishness in what you are reading, but I have decided, life is unpredictable, and it is about compromising and not aiming to please everybody. So I am just opening my horizon to something I never wanted to consider, in fact, it is something I criticized.
Falling in love with a disabled person, well, I never even thought about it. To be honest, I don't really see much disabled people in public areas, but thats probably because i don't go out much. But I can see how one can neglect to see what other people may see as flaws or negative points when they are in love. So this got me thinking, is this an issue the society is facing?
Third one, hurts, the stories we hear are endless and the men always get away with it untouched. I am quite bitter about this as it only highlight the hypocrisy in our society that is dictated by traditions, not by religion. Islam states clearly how men and women are equally wronged for committing adultery. But I also have seen how the really new generation mix and mingle, and how many stories of love and marriage are taking place after years of dating and God knows what. Have the new generation changed? I don't know, and I think our new generation are confused anyway.
Jin & bad spirits, I don't know how many people lived and died believing they interfere with our lives. I know some of you western people think it is from the dark ages, but we here still talk about them and how they exist. It still is a dilemma.
Everybody has filler and botox in these t.v drama, they have pillow faces and sadly they think they are pretty.
Anyways, Ramadan will always be my favorite month of the year. Regardless of these rituals and routines. It is always peaceful and everybody is humbled by it.
Hope all of your days are happy, peaceful and headache free.
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Life & Death
"Life is worth nothing" how many times have I heard this and how many times did I realize the weight of this sentence and how many more times did I forget the whole thing all together.
Today, I was reminded of that, unfortunately I was reminded through a relative.
He is in his nineties, yet the wisest smartest liveliest man you would ever meet, until three days ago when his heart decided to take a break.
I went to visit him in the ICU, he was under sedation, and was hooked up to countless wires and a ventilator; his eyes were kept shut with a tape. He was alone. The sight distrubed me, I never imagined to see this kind man in this position. I've always seen him surrounded by his children and grandchildren and grand grand children, laughing, saying stories about the past.
I couldn't stand for long; I sat on the chair where his cane rested. I felt so helpless and guilty for missing out many days, many months I could have spent learning more from him. I cried, I cried more when I looked at that cane that rested there, that cane must be missing his grip, his weight, his company. I do.
I remembered that man that I never met, but knew much about, a young man who died of HIV, he was local, why do I mention that, because it hit me, that you can actually know a person who is somewhat related that would die from HIV. I cried for him when he died, and cried more when I saw my dear old relative. Why? I guess because I imagined him on a bed in ICU, alone with his parents and younger sister. Nobody knew what was wrong with him except for his parents and his sister. It was a big secret to all, including his parents and sister until three weeks before he deteriorated...that is when they got to know. God knows how long he knew for, how painful it was for him to carry that secret alone, the shame, the guilt, the anger and most of all th loneliness he felt inside. One the outside he seemed like the luckiest man, with a wife and few children and lots of money, on the inside he lead a lonely life, his mother was too busy with her own life, his dad with his affairs, his wife with her career, his brothers didn't pay much attention to him because he was not business oriented. He was lonely. He died lonely, and with little sympathy.
When death comes I guess we are left all alone to deal with it...no matter how full your life is.
Rest in peace M.
May Allah heal you uncle.
Today, I was reminded of that, unfortunately I was reminded through a relative.
He is in his nineties, yet the wisest smartest liveliest man you would ever meet, until three days ago when his heart decided to take a break.
I went to visit him in the ICU, he was under sedation, and was hooked up to countless wires and a ventilator; his eyes were kept shut with a tape. He was alone. The sight distrubed me, I never imagined to see this kind man in this position. I've always seen him surrounded by his children and grandchildren and grand grand children, laughing, saying stories about the past.
I couldn't stand for long; I sat on the chair where his cane rested. I felt so helpless and guilty for missing out many days, many months I could have spent learning more from him. I cried, I cried more when I looked at that cane that rested there, that cane must be missing his grip, his weight, his company. I do.
I remembered that man that I never met, but knew much about, a young man who died of HIV, he was local, why do I mention that, because it hit me, that you can actually know a person who is somewhat related that would die from HIV. I cried for him when he died, and cried more when I saw my dear old relative. Why? I guess because I imagined him on a bed in ICU, alone with his parents and younger sister. Nobody knew what was wrong with him except for his parents and his sister. It was a big secret to all, including his parents and sister until three weeks before he deteriorated...that is when they got to know. God knows how long he knew for, how painful it was for him to carry that secret alone, the shame, the guilt, the anger and most of all th loneliness he felt inside. One the outside he seemed like the luckiest man, with a wife and few children and lots of money, on the inside he lead a lonely life, his mother was too busy with her own life, his dad with his affairs, his wife with her career, his brothers didn't pay much attention to him because he was not business oriented. He was lonely. He died lonely, and with little sympathy.
When death comes I guess we are left all alone to deal with it...no matter how full your life is.
Rest in peace M.
May Allah heal you uncle.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
How would they react?
The attack continues, more blood are shed, more little ones live in a constant state of fear, many orphaned, many widowed, many left disabled, many have sleepless nights, many hungry, many despite all of that, still are strong.
The thunderstorm, the lightning and the heavy rain, did they arrive to wash away the pain or to wash away the sins of us sitting silent when our brothers and sisters suffer. Did they arrive to give us a miniture experience of what its like to hear a bomb, did that scare you? in the comfort of your home? you know it is a thunder storm and that you are not in a war zone. They say prayers are heard when you say them when it is raining, did they arrive to give us that chance?
I am sick to my stomach, God knows I've lost weight, I've lost appetite and I've been working like a mad woman just to block the pain out. This whole ordeal feels like having your own sister being raped while forced to watch and forced to be quiet. How disgusting is that? it only is getting worse.
I attended the Dubai care event, to put together a school bag for the children of Gaza. I had a mixture of feelings while there, I tried my best to stay focused as I neede to DO something to help rather than just give. It felt like a breath half taken, when you took some but not enough, or like a yawn that was disturbed in the middle of yawning. Can't describe it, but I feel a little better than just reading and watching the news and just shedding sad, shameful tears.
A mix of people, mostly Palestinians, Lebanese, Syrian and Jordanians,Indians alot of local girls, about 10 local men, several white people and few chinese.
It was busy, alittle confusing at the begining, but slowly they tables started having a pace and peole just worked like bees. I don't understand why we need Caucasians to run these events for us? its good that it happened, but I am sure that a local girl would have done a great job at organizing that kind of an event.
As I filled the bags with the pens and pencils and all the other goodies, I wondered who's tiny fingers will unzip the bag I packed, who's tiny fingures would not have that chance. I imagined how would they react upon recieving them, would they get excited as any other kids, would they be dissapointed hoping to find something else inside? Would they feel bad for their brothers or sisters who missed the opportunity, would they feel guilty about enjoying something the rest of the family did not get to enjoy when they were one?
It was no suprise I returned feeling drained, emotinoally drained.
I am tired
The thunderstorm, the lightning and the heavy rain, did they arrive to wash away the pain or to wash away the sins of us sitting silent when our brothers and sisters suffer. Did they arrive to give us a miniture experience of what its like to hear a bomb, did that scare you? in the comfort of your home? you know it is a thunder storm and that you are not in a war zone. They say prayers are heard when you say them when it is raining, did they arrive to give us that chance?
I am sick to my stomach, God knows I've lost weight, I've lost appetite and I've been working like a mad woman just to block the pain out. This whole ordeal feels like having your own sister being raped while forced to watch and forced to be quiet. How disgusting is that? it only is getting worse.
I attended the Dubai care event, to put together a school bag for the children of Gaza. I had a mixture of feelings while there, I tried my best to stay focused as I neede to DO something to help rather than just give. It felt like a breath half taken, when you took some but not enough, or like a yawn that was disturbed in the middle of yawning. Can't describe it, but I feel a little better than just reading and watching the news and just shedding sad, shameful tears.
A mix of people, mostly Palestinians, Lebanese, Syrian and Jordanians,Indians alot of local girls, about 10 local men, several white people and few chinese.
It was busy, alittle confusing at the begining, but slowly they tables started having a pace and peole just worked like bees. I don't understand why we need Caucasians to run these events for us? its good that it happened, but I am sure that a local girl would have done a great job at organizing that kind of an event.
As I filled the bags with the pens and pencils and all the other goodies, I wondered who's tiny fingers will unzip the bag I packed, who's tiny fingures would not have that chance. I imagined how would they react upon recieving them, would they get excited as any other kids, would they be dissapointed hoping to find something else inside? Would they feel bad for their brothers or sisters who missed the opportunity, would they feel guilty about enjoying something the rest of the family did not get to enjoy when they were one?
It was no suprise I returned feeling drained, emotinoally drained.
I am tired
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Guilty
If you decide to drive into my lane last minute, I think you should be prepared to catch up to my speed.
That's a daily experience for me, what makes me mad, is the fact, if he/she waited until I passed, there were no cars behind me and they could have taken their time to build some speed.
I am tired of whinning about this, so here it is for the first and last time on my blog.
Men, sometimes I feel I can pain them with one brush and say, they are all the same. The core issues are the same, some slight variation in the way they look, dress, their size, their sociability and their ability to joke and spend money, other than that, the mentality, east, west, north or south, is the same...believe me. I will write a book about it that will make Freud turn in his grave.
No wonder I am not married. No wonder.
It is a sad weekend. With all that is happening in Gazza and the silence from all the Arab neighbouring countries, with me just writing about it, with the passing away of Sheikh Rashid Al Mualla. I can't feel but guilty for being able to have a quiet night, a full stomach and sleepy eyes. Life is not fair, if only my heartaches will reduce their suffering, I would stay up and relive the feeling I got just watching those little ones, the innocent men and women on T.V, their body shattered and torn by the deadly, sickly weapons from Israelis.
When will their pain come to an end, when will Palestine be ours again.
That's a daily experience for me, what makes me mad, is the fact, if he/she waited until I passed, there were no cars behind me and they could have taken their time to build some speed.
I am tired of whinning about this, so here it is for the first and last time on my blog.
Men, sometimes I feel I can pain them with one brush and say, they are all the same. The core issues are the same, some slight variation in the way they look, dress, their size, their sociability and their ability to joke and spend money, other than that, the mentality, east, west, north or south, is the same...believe me. I will write a book about it that will make Freud turn in his grave.
No wonder I am not married. No wonder.
It is a sad weekend. With all that is happening in Gazza and the silence from all the Arab neighbouring countries, with me just writing about it, with the passing away of Sheikh Rashid Al Mualla. I can't feel but guilty for being able to have a quiet night, a full stomach and sleepy eyes. Life is not fair, if only my heartaches will reduce their suffering, I would stay up and relive the feeling I got just watching those little ones, the innocent men and women on T.V, their body shattered and torn by the deadly, sickly weapons from Israelis.
When will their pain come to an end, when will Palestine be ours again.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
why and more whys...
It has been a long time since I worte anything. It's strange that I didn't need to turn to bloggin to vent, many things have happened since.
I was just at the UAE community blog and read the post and comments about Gazza, it was intresting to read many of the comments that really just shows how screwed up we are as a nation and how Palestinians will remain to suffer alone despite our shared sentiments and the occasional frowns at what we see on t.v and the short lived shock state we live. Palestine, you are alone in this as somebody said in the comments.
Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid just announced that all celebrations for new year is to be cancelled. I love that man.
There are few bloggers I would like to meet in person, those who caught my atttention.
Blessing in Tragidy--> Makes me laugh and makes my blood boil.
Dubai Jazz --> the only person who makes sense, he sounds stable.
Hemlock--> I thouht she was a he until recently.
Nick--> just curious to see the face of a funny person.
I am sick of seeing the Christmas tree, and the festivities in the shopping mall, simply because I don't relate to it. I respect all religions, but this does not represent what my country stands for.
Eid has never been celebrated like that. I should be gratful as we had an excellent celebration for National days. The celebration was put together by the government and by locals, who put their individual efforts. What was very clear that all shops were not interested to reflect any kind of gratitude on this special day for a land that has hosted them.
I am just worried at how our religion is given the back seet when itcomes to what is important. Shame.
The other thing that is happening while all this identity crisis is going on, is the repeated failure of men and women meeting each others expectations. Life is getting confusing to them as they are now in a transitional phase where many cultures are ifnluencing our people adults, youth and children alike. I am goingto write some more about it.
Marriage and me, people are curious to why am I single to until this day :) the answer is usually (mafi Naseeb), believe me Ihave a more elaborate answer, but its too complicated and might make me look like a girl with some issues.
Maybe I do, but I would like to keep that to my self. But will also share my thoughts here on the blog just t fee some voyars curiousity.
Write to you laters :)
I was just at the UAE community blog and read the post and comments about Gazza, it was intresting to read many of the comments that really just shows how screwed up we are as a nation and how Palestinians will remain to suffer alone despite our shared sentiments and the occasional frowns at what we see on t.v and the short lived shock state we live. Palestine, you are alone in this as somebody said in the comments.
Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid just announced that all celebrations for new year is to be cancelled. I love that man.
There are few bloggers I would like to meet in person, those who caught my atttention.
Blessing in Tragidy--> Makes me laugh and makes my blood boil.
Dubai Jazz --> the only person who makes sense, he sounds stable.
Hemlock--> I thouht she was a he until recently.
Nick--> just curious to see the face of a funny person.
I am sick of seeing the Christmas tree, and the festivities in the shopping mall, simply because I don't relate to it. I respect all religions, but this does not represent what my country stands for.
Eid has never been celebrated like that. I should be gratful as we had an excellent celebration for National days. The celebration was put together by the government and by locals, who put their individual efforts. What was very clear that all shops were not interested to reflect any kind of gratitude on this special day for a land that has hosted them.
I am just worried at how our religion is given the back seet when itcomes to what is important. Shame.
The other thing that is happening while all this identity crisis is going on, is the repeated failure of men and women meeting each others expectations. Life is getting confusing to them as they are now in a transitional phase where many cultures are ifnluencing our people adults, youth and children alike. I am goingto write some more about it.
Marriage and me, people are curious to why am I single to until this day :) the answer is usually (mafi Naseeb), believe me Ihave a more elaborate answer, but its too complicated and might make me look like a girl with some issues.
Maybe I do, but I would like to keep that to my self. But will also share my thoughts here on the blog just t fee some voyars curiousity.
Write to you laters :)
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sleepless night
What a day...
The Karate Centre have been demolished.
My travel agent who my family have been dealing with for the past 20years or so have passed away July. Allah yer7amek Mr. Mateen, I was so sad when I found out today, it really felt like a family member gone. My thoughts are with his family.
It just got me thinking, this guy has been working so hard throughtout his youth, throughout the best years of his family life, away from his family, he did not get to even enjoy the money he earned. Life is full of such stories, it still upsets me, I am relieved it does, I don't want to be desensitized to tragidy.
I played with my nieces and nephews today, I must say, that they are my prozac in life, they can make me forget all my worries an sadness, they have this magical ability to suck out all the negative energy and emotions and fill me with happy ones. Bless them and all other children, may their smiles and laughters never fade.
I am tired from reading about how Dubai is a terrible place in the UAE CB. I've decided to avoid that dark place. We all know the reality of the situation, talking about it is just useless, all what people there ar doing is validating their thoughts with others and leaving it there....
The Karate Centre have been demolished.
My travel agent who my family have been dealing with for the past 20years or so have passed away July. Allah yer7amek Mr. Mateen, I was so sad when I found out today, it really felt like a family member gone. My thoughts are with his family.
It just got me thinking, this guy has been working so hard throughtout his youth, throughout the best years of his family life, away from his family, he did not get to even enjoy the money he earned. Life is full of such stories, it still upsets me, I am relieved it does, I don't want to be desensitized to tragidy.
I played with my nieces and nephews today, I must say, that they are my prozac in life, they can make me forget all my worries an sadness, they have this magical ability to suck out all the negative energy and emotions and fill me with happy ones. Bless them and all other children, may their smiles and laughters never fade.
I am tired from reading about how Dubai is a terrible place in the UAE CB. I've decided to avoid that dark place. We all know the reality of the situation, talking about it is just useless, all what people there ar doing is validating their thoughts with others and leaving it there....
Sunday, October 5, 2008
From the newspaper to the road
"Bridging the public-private gap of benefits, including standardising holidays for both sectors, will help boost the Emiratisation drive in the private sector and banks, said government officials and human resources managers. " copied and pasted from Gulf News.
Is it really about the holiday? Are you kidding me? Please tell me this is a joke.
What direction are we headed to.
I went out this afternoon, to ibn battuta and to Interiors furniture shop. I was out from 3,40 till 8, 35pm. The time I spent in Ibn Battuta was 45 minutes, and 24 minutes in Interiors. The rest was in Traffic.
I looked around...the busy roads full of expats.
I can hear expats at the UCB responding to this,"this country is nothing without us, we built it, who will do the dirty job, etc etc" I was happy with the number of expats in the 80's and early 90's...There was a balacne, everybody was happy.
Now I can honestly feel my blood pressure rising as I wait in traffic, I can feel my self getting upset while in the car and once at home/ work, I really hate the thought of going out, it means wasting at least a couple of hours of my day in dirty traffic. Taking the children to extra curricular activities...dream on.
Why? Why?
I love my country, but for some reason, I can no longer recongnize it anymore.
Is it really about the holiday? Are you kidding me? Please tell me this is a joke.
What direction are we headed to.
I went out this afternoon, to ibn battuta and to Interiors furniture shop. I was out from 3,40 till 8, 35pm. The time I spent in Ibn Battuta was 45 minutes, and 24 minutes in Interiors. The rest was in Traffic.
I looked around...the busy roads full of expats.
I can hear expats at the UCB responding to this,"this country is nothing without us, we built it, who will do the dirty job, etc etc" I was happy with the number of expats in the 80's and early 90's...There was a balacne, everybody was happy.
Now I can honestly feel my blood pressure rising as I wait in traffic, I can feel my self getting upset while in the car and once at home/ work, I really hate the thought of going out, it means wasting at least a couple of hours of my day in dirty traffic. Taking the children to extra curricular activities...dream on.
Why? Why?
I love my country, but for some reason, I can no longer recongnize it anymore.
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