The attack continues, more blood are shed, more little ones live in a constant state of fear, many orphaned, many widowed, many left disabled, many have sleepless nights, many hungry, many despite all of that, still are strong.
The thunderstorm, the lightning and the heavy rain, did they arrive to wash away the pain or to wash away the sins of us sitting silent when our brothers and sisters suffer. Did they arrive to give us a miniture experience of what its like to hear a bomb, did that scare you? in the comfort of your home? you know it is a thunder storm and that you are not in a war zone. They say prayers are heard when you say them when it is raining, did they arrive to give us that chance?
I am sick to my stomach, God knows I've lost weight, I've lost appetite and I've been working like a mad woman just to block the pain out. This whole ordeal feels like having your own sister being raped while forced to watch and forced to be quiet. How disgusting is that? it only is getting worse.
I attended the Dubai care event, to put together a school bag for the children of Gaza. I had a mixture of feelings while there, I tried my best to stay focused as I neede to DO something to help rather than just give. It felt like a breath half taken, when you took some but not enough, or like a yawn that was disturbed in the middle of yawning. Can't describe it, but I feel a little better than just reading and watching the news and just shedding sad, shameful tears.
A mix of people, mostly Palestinians, Lebanese, Syrian and Jordanians,Indians alot of local girls, about 10 local men, several white people and few chinese.
It was busy, alittle confusing at the begining, but slowly they tables started having a pace and peole just worked like bees. I don't understand why we need Caucasians to run these events for us? its good that it happened, but I am sure that a local girl would have done a great job at organizing that kind of an event.
As I filled the bags with the pens and pencils and all the other goodies, I wondered who's tiny fingers will unzip the bag I packed, who's tiny fingures would not have that chance. I imagined how would they react upon recieving them, would they get excited as any other kids, would they be dissapointed hoping to find something else inside? Would they feel bad for their brothers or sisters who missed the opportunity, would they feel guilty about enjoying something the rest of the family did not get to enjoy when they were one?
It was no suprise I returned feeling drained, emotinoally drained.
I am tired
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Saturday, January 3, 2009
Guilty
If you decide to drive into my lane last minute, I think you should be prepared to catch up to my speed.
That's a daily experience for me, what makes me mad, is the fact, if he/she waited until I passed, there were no cars behind me and they could have taken their time to build some speed.
I am tired of whinning about this, so here it is for the first and last time on my blog.
Men, sometimes I feel I can pain them with one brush and say, they are all the same. The core issues are the same, some slight variation in the way they look, dress, their size, their sociability and their ability to joke and spend money, other than that, the mentality, east, west, north or south, is the same...believe me. I will write a book about it that will make Freud turn in his grave.
No wonder I am not married. No wonder.
It is a sad weekend. With all that is happening in Gazza and the silence from all the Arab neighbouring countries, with me just writing about it, with the passing away of Sheikh Rashid Al Mualla. I can't feel but guilty for being able to have a quiet night, a full stomach and sleepy eyes. Life is not fair, if only my heartaches will reduce their suffering, I would stay up and relive the feeling I got just watching those little ones, the innocent men and women on T.V, their body shattered and torn by the deadly, sickly weapons from Israelis.
When will their pain come to an end, when will Palestine be ours again.
That's a daily experience for me, what makes me mad, is the fact, if he/she waited until I passed, there were no cars behind me and they could have taken their time to build some speed.
I am tired of whinning about this, so here it is for the first and last time on my blog.
Men, sometimes I feel I can pain them with one brush and say, they are all the same. The core issues are the same, some slight variation in the way they look, dress, their size, their sociability and their ability to joke and spend money, other than that, the mentality, east, west, north or south, is the same...believe me. I will write a book about it that will make Freud turn in his grave.
No wonder I am not married. No wonder.
It is a sad weekend. With all that is happening in Gazza and the silence from all the Arab neighbouring countries, with me just writing about it, with the passing away of Sheikh Rashid Al Mualla. I can't feel but guilty for being able to have a quiet night, a full stomach and sleepy eyes. Life is not fair, if only my heartaches will reduce their suffering, I would stay up and relive the feeling I got just watching those little ones, the innocent men and women on T.V, their body shattered and torn by the deadly, sickly weapons from Israelis.
When will their pain come to an end, when will Palestine be ours again.
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
why and more whys...
It has been a long time since I worte anything. It's strange that I didn't need to turn to bloggin to vent, many things have happened since.
I was just at the UAE community blog and read the post and comments about Gazza, it was intresting to read many of the comments that really just shows how screwed up we are as a nation and how Palestinians will remain to suffer alone despite our shared sentiments and the occasional frowns at what we see on t.v and the short lived shock state we live. Palestine, you are alone in this as somebody said in the comments.
Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid just announced that all celebrations for new year is to be cancelled. I love that man.
There are few bloggers I would like to meet in person, those who caught my atttention.
Blessing in Tragidy--> Makes me laugh and makes my blood boil.
Dubai Jazz --> the only person who makes sense, he sounds stable.
Hemlock--> I thouht she was a he until recently.
Nick--> just curious to see the face of a funny person.
I am sick of seeing the Christmas tree, and the festivities in the shopping mall, simply because I don't relate to it. I respect all religions, but this does not represent what my country stands for.
Eid has never been celebrated like that. I should be gratful as we had an excellent celebration for National days. The celebration was put together by the government and by locals, who put their individual efforts. What was very clear that all shops were not interested to reflect any kind of gratitude on this special day for a land that has hosted them.
I am just worried at how our religion is given the back seet when itcomes to what is important. Shame.
The other thing that is happening while all this identity crisis is going on, is the repeated failure of men and women meeting each others expectations. Life is getting confusing to them as they are now in a transitional phase where many cultures are ifnluencing our people adults, youth and children alike. I am goingto write some more about it.
Marriage and me, people are curious to why am I single to until this day :) the answer is usually (mafi Naseeb), believe me Ihave a more elaborate answer, but its too complicated and might make me look like a girl with some issues.
Maybe I do, but I would like to keep that to my self. But will also share my thoughts here on the blog just t fee some voyars curiousity.
Write to you laters :)
I was just at the UAE community blog and read the post and comments about Gazza, it was intresting to read many of the comments that really just shows how screwed up we are as a nation and how Palestinians will remain to suffer alone despite our shared sentiments and the occasional frowns at what we see on t.v and the short lived shock state we live. Palestine, you are alone in this as somebody said in the comments.
Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid just announced that all celebrations for new year is to be cancelled. I love that man.
There are few bloggers I would like to meet in person, those who caught my atttention.
Blessing in Tragidy--> Makes me laugh and makes my blood boil.
Dubai Jazz --> the only person who makes sense, he sounds stable.
Hemlock--> I thouht she was a he until recently.
Nick--> just curious to see the face of a funny person.
I am sick of seeing the Christmas tree, and the festivities in the shopping mall, simply because I don't relate to it. I respect all religions, but this does not represent what my country stands for.
Eid has never been celebrated like that. I should be gratful as we had an excellent celebration for National days. The celebration was put together by the government and by locals, who put their individual efforts. What was very clear that all shops were not interested to reflect any kind of gratitude on this special day for a land that has hosted them.
I am just worried at how our religion is given the back seet when itcomes to what is important. Shame.
The other thing that is happening while all this identity crisis is going on, is the repeated failure of men and women meeting each others expectations. Life is getting confusing to them as they are now in a transitional phase where many cultures are ifnluencing our people adults, youth and children alike. I am goingto write some more about it.
Marriage and me, people are curious to why am I single to until this day :) the answer is usually (mafi Naseeb), believe me Ihave a more elaborate answer, but its too complicated and might make me look like a girl with some issues.
Maybe I do, but I would like to keep that to my self. But will also share my thoughts here on the blog just t fee some voyars curiousity.
Write to you laters :)
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sleepless night
What a day...
The Karate Centre have been demolished.
My travel agent who my family have been dealing with for the past 20years or so have passed away July. Allah yer7amek Mr. Mateen, I was so sad when I found out today, it really felt like a family member gone. My thoughts are with his family.
It just got me thinking, this guy has been working so hard throughtout his youth, throughout the best years of his family life, away from his family, he did not get to even enjoy the money he earned. Life is full of such stories, it still upsets me, I am relieved it does, I don't want to be desensitized to tragidy.
I played with my nieces and nephews today, I must say, that they are my prozac in life, they can make me forget all my worries an sadness, they have this magical ability to suck out all the negative energy and emotions and fill me with happy ones. Bless them and all other children, may their smiles and laughters never fade.
I am tired from reading about how Dubai is a terrible place in the UAE CB. I've decided to avoid that dark place. We all know the reality of the situation, talking about it is just useless, all what people there ar doing is validating their thoughts with others and leaving it there....
The Karate Centre have been demolished.
My travel agent who my family have been dealing with for the past 20years or so have passed away July. Allah yer7amek Mr. Mateen, I was so sad when I found out today, it really felt like a family member gone. My thoughts are with his family.
It just got me thinking, this guy has been working so hard throughtout his youth, throughout the best years of his family life, away from his family, he did not get to even enjoy the money he earned. Life is full of such stories, it still upsets me, I am relieved it does, I don't want to be desensitized to tragidy.
I played with my nieces and nephews today, I must say, that they are my prozac in life, they can make me forget all my worries an sadness, they have this magical ability to suck out all the negative energy and emotions and fill me with happy ones. Bless them and all other children, may their smiles and laughters never fade.
I am tired from reading about how Dubai is a terrible place in the UAE CB. I've decided to avoid that dark place. We all know the reality of the situation, talking about it is just useless, all what people there ar doing is validating their thoughts with others and leaving it there....
Sunday, October 5, 2008
From the newspaper to the road
"Bridging the public-private gap of benefits, including standardising holidays for both sectors, will help boost the Emiratisation drive in the private sector and banks, said government officials and human resources managers. " copied and pasted from Gulf News.
Is it really about the holiday? Are you kidding me? Please tell me this is a joke.
What direction are we headed to.
I went out this afternoon, to ibn battuta and to Interiors furniture shop. I was out from 3,40 till 8, 35pm. The time I spent in Ibn Battuta was 45 minutes, and 24 minutes in Interiors. The rest was in Traffic.
I looked around...the busy roads full of expats.
I can hear expats at the UCB responding to this,"this country is nothing without us, we built it, who will do the dirty job, etc etc" I was happy with the number of expats in the 80's and early 90's...There was a balacne, everybody was happy.
Now I can honestly feel my blood pressure rising as I wait in traffic, I can feel my self getting upset while in the car and once at home/ work, I really hate the thought of going out, it means wasting at least a couple of hours of my day in dirty traffic. Taking the children to extra curricular activities...dream on.
Why? Why?
I love my country, but for some reason, I can no longer recongnize it anymore.
Is it really about the holiday? Are you kidding me? Please tell me this is a joke.
What direction are we headed to.
I went out this afternoon, to ibn battuta and to Interiors furniture shop. I was out from 3,40 till 8, 35pm. The time I spent in Ibn Battuta was 45 minutes, and 24 minutes in Interiors. The rest was in Traffic.
I looked around...the busy roads full of expats.
I can hear expats at the UCB responding to this,"this country is nothing without us, we built it, who will do the dirty job, etc etc" I was happy with the number of expats in the 80's and early 90's...There was a balacne, everybody was happy.
Now I can honestly feel my blood pressure rising as I wait in traffic, I can feel my self getting upset while in the car and once at home/ work, I really hate the thought of going out, it means wasting at least a couple of hours of my day in dirty traffic. Taking the children to extra curricular activities...dream on.
Why? Why?
I love my country, but for some reason, I can no longer recongnize it anymore.
Friday, September 26, 2008
My thoughts in no specific order...
Few more days and the month of Ramadan will come to an end.
It really feels like a dear vistor i leaving, I am trying to enjoy every second.
The weather has been fantastic the last few days.
I am going away for Eid and I can't wait.
When will peope show some class when driving.
Have you ever stopped at a traffic light at Iftar time, they give out small boxes with juice in it, few dates and a small cup of water...do you know who honks to get the guy's attention, non muslim looking western people with loud music playing in their car while the call to prayers is in the background.
I am tolerant to a certain extent...but there is always this limit that I stop being tolerant and I stop giving some people excuses.
It really feels like a dear vistor i leaving, I am trying to enjoy every second.
The weather has been fantastic the last few days.
I am going away for Eid and I can't wait.
When will peope show some class when driving.
Have you ever stopped at a traffic light at Iftar time, they give out small boxes with juice in it, few dates and a small cup of water...do you know who honks to get the guy's attention, non muslim looking western people with loud music playing in their car while the call to prayers is in the background.
I am tolerant to a certain extent...but there is always this limit that I stop being tolerant and I stop giving some people excuses.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Randomer than random
Ramadan, the guest that comes to visit us once a year only to leave us too soon.
Taraweeh prayer, shoulder to shoulder we stand in prayer, unfamiliar people become familiar by the end of the month, walking to the mosque becomes my favourite walk.
Sure there is no mention in our religion that prohibits non Muslims to eat, drink or smoke during our holy month, our country put this rule, not sure if it is right, but after seeing a man with a bottle of coke in one hand and a cigarette in another, sitting in the passenger seat of the car next to me, staring at me in the face and giving a daring smile, is why I believe that this law was not a total mistake. Some are just inconsiderate; some go out of their way just to be rude.
What's with the double Decker on top of the local ladies head. Do they honestly think its an attractive sight?!! What's wrong with the lazy awkward walk, the floppy hand and the facial indifference? Sometimes I get this urge of just pushing them to walk faster.
What's with our people, slipping words/sentences in English while speaking Arabic. I am yet to find an non-Arab do that! To some, it is a sign of being modern.
It is getting crazy over here....somebody do something...
Taraweeh prayer, shoulder to shoulder we stand in prayer, unfamiliar people become familiar by the end of the month, walking to the mosque becomes my favourite walk.
Sure there is no mention in our religion that prohibits non Muslims to eat, drink or smoke during our holy month, our country put this rule, not sure if it is right, but after seeing a man with a bottle of coke in one hand and a cigarette in another, sitting in the passenger seat of the car next to me, staring at me in the face and giving a daring smile, is why I believe that this law was not a total mistake. Some are just inconsiderate; some go out of their way just to be rude.
What's with the double Decker on top of the local ladies head. Do they honestly think its an attractive sight?!! What's wrong with the lazy awkward walk, the floppy hand and the facial indifference? Sometimes I get this urge of just pushing them to walk faster.
What's with our people, slipping words/sentences in English while speaking Arabic. I am yet to find an non-Arab do that! To some, it is a sign of being modern.
It is getting crazy over here....somebody do something...
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