I woke up at 2 in the morning last night, I felt like I've slept a whole night but I have barely slept 2 hours.
I knew that to try to go back to sleep is a losing battle. So I reached out to the shade light next to my bed an turned the light on, on my night table, there was this book that has been waiting for me to read every time I put it down. I don't pick it up often, I think it isn't the right book for my mind set these days.
I look at a framed photo that I had placed there since I rearranged my room. My brother and I, my mom kneeling besides us, smiling. He was 4 years old, I was two and a half or so. His arms and tiny fingers rested on my shoulder, he was carrying a slice apple, half eaten, looking at the camera, looking happy, my eyes fixated on the apple, obviously interested in eating his slice.
Mom said, this was a picture taken by my dad, the day my brother was released from the hospital; he broke one of his legs in a car accident and was there for quite some time. My dad captured a moment full of happiness and relief, you could see it in all of us, specially my brother and mom, at that age, I was just happy to have the rest of the family home after being left alone for so many weeks with a nanny.
I could not take my eyes of my brothers' arms that rested on my shoulder, it filled me up with warm emotions and wondered when was the last time my brother put his arms around me, spontaneously, genuinely happy to be there beside me. When was the last time the three of us shared this common happy moment?
If only one of us knew that life takes us to places we never thought existed, we would hav either take more pictures like those, to have as a reminder of what it was like, or we would have really made a conscious effort to enjoy moments like that.
Two weeks ago, I was looking at photo albums of my years in the university, we all looked so innocent then, nothing like the university girls these days, who look sophisticated but think shallow. We looked happy though, I'm not sure how much I realized how happy I seemed of felt, but it is just so obvious in those pictures. I looked at each one of my friends, and my classmates, and thought about where they are now at life. Most married with kids, one unhappily married with kids, two divorced, one was physically and mentally abused until she got divorced, one friend became a VIP but remained down to earth despite all the fame. One died in a car accident along with two of her siblings and an in-law on their way back from Omrah.
She was newly married, the year she died, she accomplished everything she wanted except for having children, she passed two important exams, finished her masters and got married to a man she loved and loved her dearly.
When we took those picutres who thought each one of us would have the fate we have or will have. I don't think anyone of us in that picture stopped to think about that thought. Does anybody wonder at younger age of how they would be in 10 years? Whenever I did, it was in the context of getting married with kids, not with the other many possibilities that life has to offer.
Future & Fate